Essay and presentation
Teacher review-
It looks like you\’ve included a cover page, which is not proper MLA format. Purdue Owl\’s website has detailed instructions and examples for MLA style and formatting guidelines. Please refer to it for the final publish.
There are two full paragraphs before the chosen ad is ever mentioned. How can the first two paragraphs, which are saying a lot of the same things, be condensed into a single introduction paragraph? There should also be a thesis statement that takes an analytical position on your chosen ad.
The next paragraph has a small possible issue. In today\’s world, one cannot argue that cosmetics are just for ladies. There are plenty of men or non-binary people who also would be drawn to this type of product and advertisement, so to say that they were attempting to only draw in women is to say that they were alienating possible sales. Does that make sense?
Who are the models? You say they are famous, which would add credibility to the ad, but they must be named to really make that point. It is a good point that they are trying to send the message that if you use these products, you will also look like this.
The next paragraph has the same possible issue that I stated before referring to gender. How does the color pink explicitly symbolize the \”Barbie world,\” and how does that mean makeup art? This is unclear. Explain.
The essay circles back around and answers my question of who the models are, which is good, but it should be in the same paragraph as when you first mention it. Separating it while you make other points causes the essay to lose its coherence and organization.
As stated in the assignment sheet, the essay should discuss the rhetorical appeals without ever using the terms ethos, pathos, logos, or kairos, so this next paragraph will need to be reworked or removed all together. It is very repetitive, and in some places off track from the rest of the essay, so it isn\’t necessary to keep it.
The paragraphs on pathos and the logical fallacy need to be more developed. As of now, they are simply thrown in without any sort of transition to them or explanation of them. Because of this, they seem out of place. They are both good points to make. They need to be added to that way they are as strong as they could be.
The essay should be in third-person, so as you discuss how this has influenced the way you understand advertisements, do so from a different perspective to keep in line with the academic prose style.
Essay and presentation Teacher review- It looks like you\’ve included a cover pa
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